Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
