get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
We need a shit load of segways right now
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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