I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize