I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
