new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
