At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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