:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
