i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
