my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I want her autograph on my taint
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
