So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
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