she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
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