apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
