Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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