I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
