is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
