I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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