Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize