i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I have aggressive nipples.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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