I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
