I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
