No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
