So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
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