You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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