Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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