watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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