I didn't shave. On purpose
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
