ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
