I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
