You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
is wine microwaveable?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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