I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
