I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
