Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
