would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
