dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
