this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
