just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?