Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
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Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
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I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality