I wish I could punch you in the face.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.