k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...