i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
