It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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