Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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