Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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