At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
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