you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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