I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
