In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
