after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Randomize
