When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
