remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
