why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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