How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
