If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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