WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
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I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
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I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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