im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
