you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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