Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
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