There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
