so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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