This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
