Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
