oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
