just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
