Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
