i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize