worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
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