I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
