I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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