So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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